Choice.

As of late this has been brought to fruition, to the surface. I’m talking about CHOICE. Not choice as in where are we going to eat out tonight, although that’s a big choice, am I right?

I mean how YOU CHOOSE to view life. Yes, this is some glass half full or glass half empty shit. I found myself in the same spot I was a few weeks prior, actually the same exact scenario that prompted me to write this post in the beginning.

While in a group setting, each person was pointing out their dislikes about their current situation, and almost instantly I was blinded with negativity. It was just a simple discussion about the negatives of everyone’s current 9-5 jobs. I was immediately flooded with frustration because focusing on negatives gets me heated AF (still working on that) but guess what the kicker on this was? It is such a 2-fold slap in the face.

  • The discussion was brought up to inspire and empower people to NO LONGER feel miserable at their jobs and work to pursue what they truly love; it was that little nudge to follow their dreams.
  • Here comes the sting of the slap – Me, myself and I CHOSE to make that into something it wasn’t; I chose to make that into a negative conversation. The slap in the face is that because I chose to get angry and shut the whole thing, I missed out. I missed out on the drive that could add to pursuing my dreams. See, Choice is a powerful thing my friends.

I’ll just give you some brief back story on why this gets me a touch heated, and it’s a full dose of real talk, I’m calling myself out right here – I get mad/frustrated because I put myself here, in a job I feel less than fulfilled at. Hearing others pretty much confirm that I’m in a shit spot is a hard pill to swallow. But again, I cannot stress this enough – I choose, or chose, to view it that way and make it something it was not.

Now, on the flip side within the past year I had focused solely on MINDSET. Yes, I said it mindset – which if I might add is a constant game, but as this still gets me a in a slight tizzy I quickly realize what’s going on, and I, ‘red light’ come to a complete stop, look both ways and move forward with my glass half full. It’s crazy what you can withhold yourself from when you have a shield on like that, and once its removed, how much brighter than world can be.

So, to bring this train back on track let me declare this loud and clear: no matter what situation you get yourself into in life, it is YOUR choice on how to perceive it. It is your choice on how it will impact you, and it is your choice on how you handle it, no one else. If you view your job as a hell hole, it will be just that. If you view that friend as annoying, they will be just that. It is a conscious choice to be where you are, so you might as well do it with a smile.

Viewing life through a glass is tough, but if you choose that cup to be half full it’s like a super power. Lighter, brighter, rainbows and unicorns, haha I’m kidding, I wish that’s what it was like but to be real, it’s not all cupcakes and butterflies, but it is freeing and liberating. On your terms you choose what can affect you, you choose how the day will play out. How awesome is that? If you make the conscious decision to choose happy, then you will be f-ing happy, and nothing and no one can change that. Like I said – a super power.

Real quick like I want to hop back up a bit: “it’s crazy what you can withhold from yourself when you have a shield on like that, and once its removed, how much brighter than world can be.” That’s some hardcore realness I just laid out for you. Now reflecting, I look back on so many times I chose anger or fear over happy or brave. Don’t get me wrong, those moments have purpose in life, but as a simple reflection there are many times that play like one of those old projectors in my brain and I can see myself doing exactly now what I’m preaching to you all not to do. The ball is in your court – you choose the outcome of things, you choose to see everything in color. If you’re like me, you either know or will start to know how kick ass that is. How kick ass it is to control the outcome for yourself, no matter what anyone else has to say about it. That feeling of being draining by someone’s negativity is gross, literally gross – it makes you feel like the plague, and honestly, it kind of is today’s version of the plague. Instead of being sick like that, choose not to be. Maybe I’m repeating myself but as I’m writing this I just keep getting more and more excited about the endless ways you can bring light and joy into your own life, ON YOUR OWN.  So, what I’m saying is take those dark, angry glasses off. CHOOSE to be happy. I’m not saying it’s easy, actually it’s far from it, but it’s sweet like honey and totally worth it. Don’t they all say the best things in life are the ones worth fighting for? (that’s a real quote, right?) Then fight for this.

What I like to do and what I try to do in each blog post is provide the things I do to help actually put this to work in real life. I do that so instead of you reading this, then scrolling through to the next make up tutorial you can actually take it and do it. So, without further ado, here is a rather small in size, big in impact list of ways I do this in the real world:

1- Listen. I put this as number 1 because it’s the hardest for me. No joke when people are talking sometimes I am in the background formulating what I’m going to say next. This just doesn’t work, because by not fully listening and coming up with what you’re going to say will just lump together. Here’s what I mean. If the person talking to you is spewing about their husband’s lack housekeeping skills and how it’s so annoying, most likely your response is going to be one in the same about men and how it drives you nuts that they don’t know how to clean a fork. This does nothing for either of you. The person coming to you for advice only gets confirmation that it’s annoying, and the negative snowball continues for him/her. You’re now sucked into it as well. There are A LOT of scenarios revolving around this.

2- Spin it. Play devil’s advocate. This may annoy the person even more but guess what that’s on them. Stretch is a beautiful thing you can provide for a person. By stretching them to think of that situation a little bit outside of the box then maybe, hopefully, they can work through it. For example:

Lisa – “Janet please tell me you saw that memo Nate sent?”

Janet – “Yes, I did”

Lisa – “Who does he think he is to do that? And why would he in his right mind think that that’s a good decision?”

Janet – “Well here are my thoughts. It took me a bit off guard at first too, not gonna lie, but maybe he sent that to just make us all prepared, and what if he ran that by the boss and we just didn’t know it?”

See, just a little stretch and Lisa might be seeing Nate’s memo a little differently now. Now both of them can move on, glasses full. (Side bar- I’ve always wanted to do a little bit like that in a blog post, so there.)

3- Stay true. Believe it or not, you can still be you, before you get into your perfect career or where you want to be financially. You can still be you surrounded by different people, people who may even challenge you and your values. As stated above it’s hard to do that, there’s no sugar coating here. You can still laugh, and you can still smile, it is all a choice. Choose what is best for you. You will thank yourself in the end for keeping your values and your true self close, even in the face of negativity.

All in all, always remember you have a choice in life. Those times where you feel as if you don’t, you ALWAYS do, go deep within, ask your people, ask whatever you call god, and your choice will become clear.

 

 

Love always,

XXOO Lexx

p.s- I’m writing most of this at my kitchen counter, where I do all my important work, while the rest of the house is sleeping. I’m realizing this more and more that I need to fight harder to frame things as a choice in certain areas in my life. I share this because even though I am the one putting ‘fingers to keys’ and spewing this to you, it doesn’t mean I don’t have to Mike Tyson it myself. We are all a work in progress.

The Game.

You are my sunshine

my only sunshine.

You make me happy

when skies are grey.

You’ll never know dear

how much I love you.

Please don’t take my sunshine away.

This is a rough one for me. Something that I’ve pushed down since my mom died. The one thing that when I see it, either on the MILLIONS of wooden signs in Hobby Lobby, or on one of those pass it forward Facebook posts, I don’t smile. Instead of smiling my heart just tears a little bit each time. How has such a cherished memory turned into such a sad, missed tone?

Growing up, I mean that literally now, growing up, toddler to teen, this was always consistent. My mom would sing this song to me. ALL. THE. TIME. From what I can remember sometimes it would be every night, for months straight. She would even sing it with a little southern accent when I needed the extra laugh. I grew older and I sang it to her, we sang it together. Now, today, I could close my eyes and hear exactly how she sounded. I will never, ever, forget the way her voice sounds when singing this song. I can’t put into words the meaning this song has to our relationship; it is us. That’s the kicker – if you were to break down the lyrics, it fits like a glove.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. My mom is my light, whether that be at the end of a dark tunnel, or the brightest in the room full of lights. She is my sunshine, my one and only sunshine. In my world, no one shines as bright as she does.

You make me happy when skies are grey. Self-explanatory.

You’ll never know dear how much I love you. Well, this is debatable. Once I got into my twenties and got my teenage head out of my ass, I made it a point to let me mom know exactly how much she means to me and how much I love her, and for proof, there is a collection of love notes I wrote to her as a kid too. I’ve always known how much she loves me, just by how much I could love her. I know that must sound strange, but it’s something that was always there, so much love.

Please don’t take my sunshine away. Well, unfortunately mine was. 1/24/18 the sunshine, as I knew it, was taken away.

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________

 

I wrote the above little blurb on a night I was really missing my mom with absolutely no intention to ever, ever publish it, until this morning. And here is why –

I’ve always been a firm believer in signs – little butterflies that come around, that annoying song your family used to sing coming on randomly in Walmart, how you find that old love note in the pocket of an old jacket. Some people call it coincidence, not me.

So, this morning, as most 25-year-old, Monday dreading young women do, I was scrolling on my phone procrastinating getting out of bed, when this post came up next from a woman in dōTERRA, who by definition you could call inspiration. It was a video (which at the time I didn’t watch, but I’ll come back to that) of her and her mom. But the caption is what got me, it discussed the connection of control and the tragedy of losing her mother. Anyone who knows me well, knows that control is my middle name. So this really resonated with me. The post then proceeds to touch on the idea that sometimes when we control we actually cause pain, even though we were trying to avoid it in the first place, ultimately, we cause pain.

So then, as I am sitting there just relishing in all of the wisdom she just poured into my heart about our similar stories I started to play the game, the most dreadful game of all. COMPARISON. And it’s funny because I just, not even a week prior recorded a podcast with a dear friend and that was a main topic of ours- the comparison game (isn’t it funny how the universe can do that sometimes?). My mind went into the death trap of a thought that I’m not entitled to feel sad and hurt because my trauma wasn’t like hers, or I’m not as strong as the next person because I don’t always have a brave face.

But back to her post quick, the video. It was of her and her mom signing ‘You are my sunshine’

& BOOM, there’s the sign, to not keep this hidden because as I do, I cause pain, I keep it in that sad place, where it doesn’t belong. That song, that memory is cherished and deserves nothing but happiness surrounding it.

The comparison I had put there quickly melted away like an ice cream cone in a kids hand and there I sat, with a smile. The first time since my mom died that I smiled at the thought of that song. The post was from Brianne Hovey, a soul truth goddess.

Comparison is a fickle bitch, to say it bluntly. I want to put emphasis on the idea or habit of comparing your emotions to others. I know there are so many other scenarios where comparison comes into play, but that is what’s heavy on my mind. Now, I’ve thought of this too, the fact that some people who are potentially reading this might be feeling that way about my situation, and by no means am I trying to encourage that, nor is anyone else who shares their pain with another. I am trying (hopefully gracefully) to shine light on self-deprecating comparison of your feelings, and how it can show up in small, large, weird or shit, even super human life traumas. But it still exists, and that’s the hard part. I slapped that comparison on myself, I did that. Not the post, not my surroundings, but me and my not honored feelings. But if you approach your situation and your life with grace, honor and respect for how you feel towards that, then maybe, just maybe you can win over that bitch. Maybe might not be good enough but it’s a fighting chance. How you feel and the emotions that your life’s circumstances bring forth are yours, and they will not go away, or heal unless you truly feel them. Angry, sad, cheerful, guilty, excited or lonely, FEEL IT. Figure out why it’s there, and work through that. Don’t you owe yourself that anyway? Comparing your situation and especially how you are handling it to another person is not fair to you, and not fair to them either. It’s a vicious trap unfortunately. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, this is not a practice life. You only get one shot at this, so make it count.

So, my point to this is, each and every person on this planet has their path. That path might be filled with trauma, pain, and fears, but also sunshine, light, laughter and smiles. It is YOUR path, no one else’s and you are entitled to feel everything your path has for you to feel. Each human has their own way of healing, you can’t compare yourself to another. There’s no way to know how the next day will treat you, and how you will handle it. That’s almost a beautiful thing if you think about it.

Trust it, trust that the universe has your back and if you feel like it doesn’t, it might just be preparing you for those hard times. Or making you work harder, so you can enjoy those sweet victories a little bit more.

 

xoxo,

Lexx

Grace.

Isn’t it shitty that 99% of the time we’re our own worst critics? I know, I know that sounds cliché but I’m serious, think about it – we internally judge ourselves before anyone else can. It’s a total defense mechanism, some sort of survival mode we’ve adapted along the way. It’s a method of ‘pre-judging’ ourselves, before others can. I get it.

I see this show up in 2 main ways:

  • The bully self-talk – Let me look in the mirror and pick myself apart because that will just make in easier when everyone does.
  • The harsh stuff – When you tear yourself up over something you did when your guard was down. Whether you did it a day ago, a month ago, or years ago.

I think we all know what I mean, or maybe I shouldn’t say we, and lump us all into one, but I know I do this. What’s even worse than being your own critic most of the time, is knowing that you are and still letting it run your world.

When I got slapped in the face with this I started to really dig in. Mind you, that was about 4 months ago, and I still see a therapist about it (which I highly recommend) so I am no expert, but what’s better than personal experience right?! Here is what I’ve crafted up:

  • WTF is dwelling on something in the past going to do for you now?
  • No matter how much you want to, there is nothing you can do to change it now.
  • GIVE YOURSELF SOME F**KING GRACE.
  • We are humans – we make mistakes, we tell people things we shouldn’t, we kiss the wrong person, we fall, we tell harmless white lies, WE. ARE. HUMAN.

Cut yourself some slack. Let yourself off the hook. Whatever you like to call it, you need to do it. We all need to do it. Don’t get me wrong, if you do something morally F’ed up there is a need for accountability – don’t hurt, steal or cheat but that’s not what this is about. I’m talking about the little things, that for some reason stick with you like a fly strip, and the bully in your brain, plankton (yes, that’s a SpongeBob reference).

“Cool fine dandy, I’m harsh in my own head, I almost never give myself any grace. How do I stop?” you ask.

That’s the thing. Speaking only from my own path, I am conscious of it, always. I always keep it on the side line so I am ready when judgment creeps up. Because right now, I’m not in a place to have it be non-existent. If that place even exists…

So for example (with conscious thought of self judgement), I am just strolling at HomeGoods minding my p’s and q’s and I just happen to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror: “WOW I LOOK LIKE HELL. Look at my skin, my hair is awful, what if I see John Stamos?!, ugh I need to leave like now.”  Right then and there, I look back in the mirror and say, even out loud if I’m feeling frisky, “you look like you are having a lazy day, and you deserve a lazy day, you work hard, and John Stamos would drool if he saw you right now” (LOL a girl can dream ok). Another example, its 5:47 AM, I went to bed two hours ago but for some reason the post-party depression has already hit me before my hangover even could. “Ugh, I should not have drank so much, OMG was I dropping it low and dancing like crazy person?! Yes. WHY do I do that, embarrass myself.” Although I’m a zombie, right then and there I stop and say to myself, “you can let your hair down every so often, I promise you’re not the only one in the world who has gotten drunk and danced your ass off, literally. And for the record, you have some sick dance moves, you tore up that dance floor.”

Although the above examples happen more often than not and seem rather harmless, they add up, and will pile up inside your mind like a dark blanket over how you see yourself. Now what I’m about to touch on is the harsh stuff, the stuff I seem to really have a knack for, it’s seldom but rough as well. To give a specific scenario might be a touch too personal for a public blog, and remember, I’m not talking about the guilt after doing something morally corrupt. To give you a better picture, how about this… in meaningful conversations, and/or life altering moments, have you ever done or said something then moments after start thinking of all the other things you could have said that would have been way more appropriate or all the other things you could have done that wouldn’t have made you look like a ‘total idiot’ (in your eyes)? Sitting there you just rip your actions and words to shreds over what you think they might have thought about you. And to be frank, you (myself included) won’t have the balls to ever ask them what they thought about it, no way! but instead you eat yourself up for X amount of time, until one day it fades from your mind, or better yet it fades away then has a funny way of jumping back into your thoughts when you need it least. In these cases you have to go straight James Bond on yourself and nip it in the bud. How I combat that is awareness, I know this is a strong trait of mine and honoring that is the first step in developing the skill to know when it will show up in your life. From there you could avoid scenarios that may prompt you to do this, but to me that’s not very realistic. I’m more of a trigger = tackle head on kinda girl. So in everyday life I approach meaningful conversations and life altering moments with intention, as if that could be my only interaction with that person. Yes, that may put this all on a pedestal but what’s the harm in that. If I approach with heart and inspiration, I will never dwell on those moments.

This all boils down to our relationship with ourselves, that’s why all of this is SO important to mend. Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship in life and I feel very strongly about that. All the important people in your life want and need the best version of you, and knowing and believing in yourself, for yourself, is how you give that to them *mic drop*

As I write this, I know this self-judgment stems from wanting to be accepted, liked, or even loved, after all that’s what we all want isn’t it? I don’t mean to go on and on, but my point is that we all do this, unfortunately. We live in a judgment filled world. It’s not the way I would have chosen it but I don’t make the rules. I’m just learning how to evolve from them, as I wish for you too. I hope that if you catch yourself judging and being your worst critic that you can use some of the tools I have to change that and if you can remember one thing from my rambles, it is to GIVE YOURSELF GRACE.

xxoo,

Lexx

 

Purpose.

The birth.
Or, shall I say rebirth.

I call it a rebirth because I firmly believe each human is given their life’s purpose at birth. From there its just a matter of time until they, and only they discover it. Events, circumstances, relationships or even they themselves might get in the way or take up some time, but they will find it. That’s why you see 4-year olds on YouTube singing ‘Jesus Take the wheel’ and absolutely crushing it – they have found their purpose. Me on the other hand, it took 25 years, which was hard for me to accept. Believe me though, I thought I found it many times before. I’m not talking about the “I wanna be an astronaut when I get older” type of thing, I’m talking about when you find something that lights your soul up, you have a knack for it, in a serious way. That was many things for me, I had a dream of becoming a high fashion designer in NYC and being the planner that I am I had everything mapped out for it. Not going to lie, it was a pretty cool life I was going to have, but that didn’t work out. I had another passion for saving the animals – I wanted to be a marine biologist and work with penguins all day, living god knows where, probably somewhere cold and icy but making an impact none the less, that didn’t work out either. For awhile I thought that I was a failure, I spent years thinking I failed at everything I ever really wanted to do, sometimes I still think that way & I doubt, matter of fact I know I’m not alone in feeling that way, but just wait, your purpose is out there, you will find it, or if you’re lucky, it will find you. But back to it, there I was just keepin’ on, until it hit me, my TRUE life’s purpose, my re-birth.

HarvestYOU. That my friends is it. You are all probably like wtf is this girl talking about, I’ve never heard of that. Bear with me, I’ll explain:

When it was born: The time when I lost the single most important person in my life, I lost my safe place and my guiding force but with that loss I found another pretty important person, myself.

Who is it: It’s me, Lexx. If you don’t know me, it’s nice to meet you! There is way more about me in my bio, check it out.

Why it was born: Once I found myself again everything fell into place, like once you get the outside of a puzzle complete, the rest just flows. I felt it, that fire. My souls fire. A burning passion to inspire people, to inspire them to unleash their absolute best selves, the way my mom inspired me when she was here, but also continues to inspire me now. Inspire others to actually LIVE, not just wake up, work, sleep, laugh on occasion, repeat for a few decades then die. But to laugh so f**king hard it hurts, experience the bliss of being completely at home with yourself, and to love, oh boy, to love so hard it sets your soul on fire.

How it was born: Well when two people love each other very much they… haha I’m kidding. This is no birds and the bees talk. By How, I mean how did I magically craft this up. That’s one of my favorite parts, I spent so much time forcing something that wasn’t there – digging up words and quotes from my childhood that weren’t ever really mine, scrolling through Pinterest, and asking most people who cared to listen. Just for a ‘name’ or a ‘label’, until one day it came to me. Plant Love, Bloom… HarvestYOU.

What it is: Okay, let me break it down for you. HarvestYOU to me, is my safe place and a magical world of what matters most to me.  A source of light, dance parties, a creative space and some possible bad-assery. For everyone else I guess it can be that too, but it holds so much more. It’s a lifestyle, a place to go to find inspiration and transformation, a community of dreamers. Dreamers who want to live life to its absolute fullest, holistically and happily.

What it does: Well, now that I’ve explained it all to you, I guess I should mention what you can do with it. HarvestYOU houses all I do, I’m a dōTERRA wellness advocate, I educate others on how to find more natural ways to heal and live their lives, I am an HCI Certified Life and Health coach, focusing on mindset. And I write, I write to inspire, whether that be to inspire myself or to inspire others but to also heal, theres something therapeutic about it for me. HarvestYOU encompasses all of that, you can find reference for natural living with dōTERRA, coaching programs to start living your dreams, and this blog. They all mean so much to me, and one day I hope they do to you too.

So there she is, in all of her glory. Thank you for supporting me, thank you for letting me be me. Cheers to us, and this journey!

I love you,
XXOO
-LEXX